Saturday, July 09, 2005

In the service of evil

Hello again, chaps.

I'm back on the Invisible Hand, helping the good General Grevious track down the Jedi leading this annoying 'clone army'. On the orders of Lord Sidious, I can't tell you exactly where we are...but think 'big and hairy'.

I've said too much.

It seems Sith Lords Anonymous leader Master Windu is off on a mission as well. Well, maybe we'll run into him at some point.
Wait - bad idea, the General might do something crazy, like try and kill him.
I have caught up with him in a few quick holo-chats, he's put me on The Slow and Difficult Path to becoming a Friendly Sith Lord
Ho-hum.
And it is indeed slow and difficult: the '10 commandmants' in the front alone are difficult to abide by. 10 commandmants, bah! There's 12 of them!

  1. Thou must seek the forgiveness of everyone whose hand thou hast chopped off.
  2. Thou must serve tea to all those thou comest across.
  3. Thou must tunest thy lightsaber to be a friendly colour. Pink is suggested.
  4. Thou shalt not betray the Jedi Order and fight a battle to the death with thine old master.
  5. Thou shalt not shoot lightning from thine hands. Except on Wednesdays.
  6. Thou shalt not dismember thine defeated enemies.
  7. Thou shalt instead offer them a drink.
  8. Thou shalt not comb over thine hair to conceal a bald patch.
  9. Thou shalt instead polish thine bald patches.
  10. Thou shalt not pull pranks on small, green Jedi Masters.
  11. Thou shalt not insult a Wookie.
  12. Thou shalt insult ewoks, since they are wimpy enough for you to get away with it.

Well, there you go, chaps. Tough, eh?

Saturday, July 02, 2005

Absolutely Spiffing

Hello, chaps.

I'm writing this from hyperspace, as I head back to the Invisible Hand. I can only hope the tea hasn't worn off yet.

Oh, Aayla's sleepover was simply smashing!
Despite the fact only a few of us actually went to sleep.

It was simply splendid watching Obi-Wan and Aayla trying to waltz - although Anakin suprised me. He and I should really talk about the finer points of dancing someday. After he's gotten over the whole 'missing hand' thing.

I also got a chance to catch up with good old Master Windu. Although he was a little busy watching The Notebook for most of the time.

I signed Fluke's copy of Hard Rock Temple, and Qui-Gon and I were conned into performing 'The Jedi Jive'. He may be dead, but he can still rock harder than the entire battle droid army. They make useless musicians.

I left at sunrise, with nearly everyone just waking, all with splitting headaches. Silly old chaps. I drank mostly tea from a hip flask - no headaches whatsoever. Although it does have several other interesting effects...

Friday, July 01, 2005

Palpa - errr...*Sidious* comes for tea

Oh dear. I've been in the kitchen of the Invisible Hand showing droids how to cook a good pastry, when Darth Sidious turned up for a suprise visit.

Oh dearie me.

He must have suspected I planned to sneak back to Coruscant for a smashing party - he frowns upon any non-evil contact whatsoever. So, I served him a *special* batch of tea.
The fellow obviously can't hold his tea that well.

With Sidious taking a nap, and Grevious yelling at the bridge droids again, I snuck down to the hangar bay. Outer Rim to Coruscant in less than an hour. This is what fighters are for, eh what? Though the droid socket doesn't hold pastries very well.

Till the party, tally-ho!