Saturday, July 09, 2005

In the service of evil

Hello again, chaps.

I'm back on the Invisible Hand, helping the good General Grevious track down the Jedi leading this annoying 'clone army'. On the orders of Lord Sidious, I can't tell you exactly where we are...but think 'big and hairy'.

I've said too much.

It seems Sith Lords Anonymous leader Master Windu is off on a mission as well. Well, maybe we'll run into him at some point.
Wait - bad idea, the General might do something crazy, like try and kill him.
I have caught up with him in a few quick holo-chats, he's put me on The Slow and Difficult Path to becoming a Friendly Sith Lord
And it is indeed slow and difficult: the '10 commandmants' in the front alone are difficult to abide by. 10 commandmants, bah! There's 12 of them!

  1. Thou must seek the forgiveness of everyone whose hand thou hast chopped off.
  2. Thou must serve tea to all those thou comest across.
  3. Thou must tunest thy lightsaber to be a friendly colour. Pink is suggested.
  4. Thou shalt not betray the Jedi Order and fight a battle to the death with thine old master.
  5. Thou shalt not shoot lightning from thine hands. Except on Wednesdays.
  6. Thou shalt not dismember thine defeated enemies.
  7. Thou shalt instead offer them a drink.
  8. Thou shalt not comb over thine hair to conceal a bald patch.
  9. Thou shalt instead polish thine bald patches.
  10. Thou shalt not pull pranks on small, green Jedi Masters.
  11. Thou shalt not insult a Wookie.
  12. Thou shalt insult ewoks, since they are wimpy enough for you to get away with it.

Well, there you go, chaps. Tough, eh?


Blogger Qui-Gon Jinn said...

Shine on, you crazy bald man!
You can, like totally, do it, and stuff, man. If you need support, you just like call and I'll be there with borwnies and crumpets. You just supply the tea, dude.
But, uh, no, like, pink lightsabres. Go Tie-Dye!

8:17 AM  
Blogger JawaJuice said...

What a great list! LOL!
Although I think you might have a little trouble with #8.

12:12 PM  
Blogger General Grievous said...

Dooku, you may indeed have trouble with a number of these commandmants is you ever fell like submitting to these activities tell me and I shall lock you in a room without your lightsaber and play classical music into the room *cough*

1:03 PM  
Blogger Leia said...

You might also have trouble with #10. lol

1:54 PM  
Blogger Bill said...

Great list! Very funny.

Bill J.
Master Yoda's Stupid Intern

7:53 PM  
Blogger Ruby-Flame said...

I think you'll find #10 the hardest. But let's face it. Yoda wouldn't have so much to complain about without you. ;)

8:48 PM  
Blogger Han Solo said...

Is anyone else reminded of the 10 Jedi Commandments?

1) Thou shalt beware of the dark side
2) Thou shalt not kiss thy sister


6:38 AM  
Blogger Aayla Secura said...

..You know, actually, it does remind me of the Jedi Comandments!

Don't forget number 4!

Thou shalt not forget to wear thine underpants.

3:37 PM  
Blogger Tahl said...

Most of those could be easily taken care of by simply blowing up thine enemies instead of torturing them. Now if you had a machine that could do this on a planetary scale you'd be set. No need for dismemberment or Force lightning just push the button. All that would be left would be tea, polishing, a pink lightsabre, a few insults and some button pushing.

3:22 AM  
Blogger flu said...

woah-ho-ho! SO!

Has the dark side been keeping you so busy that you have not been able to blog lately, eh, Dooku?

Or...perhaps these 12 SLA commandments have taken their toll, like a short guy in a that it? Well, Dooku!?!

Or, Dooku, have you been too long in the sweltering heat of Tatooine, Dooku, playing the Survivor game and wishing you had something other than black in your wardrobe, Dooku, that you have no time, or heart, or patience, or gumption for anything else? Is that it , Dooku? HM?

Well - just so you know - there's a sale on light pithy khakis in Mos Eisley! I have seen the sales papers! Not only that, but I have a coupon you can use!

Listen to your feelings, Dooku! You must pay heed to your insides, Dooku!...and what are they beckoning you to do, DOOKU!!!

...and just what is it they say? Let's listen, shall we?
Update... Update!... UPDATE!

6:52 AM  
Blogger flu said...


*whispers* Thanks for the access.

7:34 AM  
Blogger Count Dooku said...

Anything for a fan, Fluke

6:20 PM  

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